I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
