Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
