Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
