Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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