My friends, they love my intelligence
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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