Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
