I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
from now on my penis is your penis
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize