I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
