I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
