sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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