I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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