Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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