you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
