Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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