wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
