Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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