i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize