this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
