dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
