I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
