bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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