Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
