Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
