It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
