i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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