how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The adults are the big ones right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
