he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
