took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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