I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
