I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
