Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
