she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
And then he peed in my hair
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