im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
