McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
