In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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