ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my poor anus
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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