He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
