I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
