Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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