I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
