apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he puts the penis in happiness.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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