K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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