..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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