Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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