i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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