why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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