I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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