he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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