she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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