In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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