five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
