i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize