I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
