Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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