I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
