is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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