worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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