kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
