Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
