Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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