dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
