I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
