Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize