the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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