Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
