I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
