I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
