I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
