Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
