Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize