just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
