TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
