Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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