dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
