if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
