quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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