Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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