how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize