I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
