You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
