Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
