Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
