dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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