Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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