Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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