An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
