Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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