It was confusing and full of hummus
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
