when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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