direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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