I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there is glitter all over my balls
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