i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
