i just wanna soil my oats bro
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i drank out of a bidet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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