I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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