oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
