She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
