wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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