he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
