I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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