Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
