I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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